Tuesday, October 13, 2009

swine flu?

Tonight I had a little emotional breakdown. No, nothing to go see a professional about, but it did come to light how my life has really changed in 15 months.

I've had a little cough, been tired and just run down. I'm super afraid of getting the swine flu. I know that it can be cured and all, but all these stories of people dying from it scare me to death. I am scared to leave my son without a mother. I know, kinda morbid. But 2 years ago, I wouldn't have been this way. But here I am, someone's mother. Someone depends on me.

2 years ago this month my friend Dawn died. All of a sudden. Without any warning. And her daughter was about the same age Nate is now.

I guess that is the real reason. I'm not afraid of dying - God, heaven, all that good stuff. I'm afraid of leaving those behind. Missing out on it all. Leaving behind my wonderful huband, son, family and friends.

So maybe I'll be a little more paranoid about this h1n1. I'll wash my hands, watch my symptoms, warn my husband of my little outbursts. If it helps me stay around for the little man in my life, it is worth it.

let's just hope tomorrow is better.


Roxanna said...

Oh Alexis, I'm so sorry! I've also felt that way before. I start wondering what my baby would do without me, etc. But it's not good to worry about those things. Lets just pray to be here and watch our babies grow, and that we don't get the swine flu. :)
I'm sure you'll be fine!

Ryan D said...

I'm not going to let anything happen to you, sweetie. I love you with all my heart.

Kathryn said...

Alexis never apologize for caring about the people you love. As Moms, sometimes out emotions take precedence over practicality and that's ok. Been there. Done that!!