This last week pumpkin has developed a new habit - waking me up at night. Sometime between 2-4 am I am woken by his/her kicking. I try to go back to sleep, but usually am awake at least an hour, up to 4 hours.
This has given me time to ponder my pregnancy. We have been wanting to expand our family for a few years now. And with 3 miscarriages, hormonal problems and chromosomal issues, it has been quite a roller coaster.
Due to that, it was hard for the first several weeks for me to actually believe I was pregnant. I didn't even start my pregnancy book until I was 14 weeks pregnant. Through all this time, though, I feel we have been soo loved and comforted. So many have lifted us up in prayer, I know that is why things have been going so well.
And things have. Yet, in the middle of the night you still wonder. Are we doing the right thing? Will I be a good mom? Will I be able to provide for my child? Can I be as good of a mom as my mom was for me?
And then I remember that I have a wonderful network - a super husband, wonderful family, friends, and those who lurk this blog :-)
But what if I didn't? What if I had no one? What if I had no supportive husband who makes dinner when I can't stand the smell of food? Or wonderful friends offering to throw me not one but two baby showers? How hard would this be? And so many women have to go through this each day.
So as I laid in bed last night, trying to go back to sleep, I grabbed Ry's hand. I knew everything would be just fine. We will do the best we can for all our children - that is what we have been doing and continue to do.
And when I get discouraged, I will offer it up for those women who do this alone. That they will be comforted by His love, and be given the strength to persevere.